| Year in Review: Self Reflection |
[Oct. 6th, 2009|10:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
in 27 days I will be 33, so it's my annual time for a year in review of my life. This year has brought on some interesting changes, disappointments, minor triumphs. I guess the best way to do this is to start with current events and work my way backwards.
Well, today after having a conversation with a friend, I realize just how, for lack of a better way of putting it, boring my life is in comparison. He's 22 and living (and I mean living) his life to the fullest of what you possibly could do at 22. Heh there's no rock of life he's leaving unturned and I have to honestly say I'm a little jealous. I've taken life the safe and responsible way, going the route of the "good boy", being the honest guy, the reliable adult,and frankly it sorta sucks. It certainly hasn't gotten me what one could call happiness. Now, not saying taking the path my friend is currently taking would lead me to happiness either, but man, it sure as heck sounds fun.
I guess what has me on this path of thought is my grandmother, my mother's mother, who is currently in the hospital. She had stomach surgery last week to remove a cancer lump in her stomach. They've taken pretty much half of her stomach in the operation and she's been trying to recover, but since the operation she was having pain in her stomach and was not having normal waste functions. Well, turns out today that her intestines had twisted somehow so they had to go back in and untwist them, that's when they discovered a section of her intestine's were pretty much dead because there was a wall of cancer cells in there too. So they operated to remove that, and according to what the doctor's told my mother, it was in the early stage so luckily they got it before it could spread. I went to visit her today and I've seen by far the most strong willed, maybe over opinionated woman I know in my life, lying unconscious in bed with tubes connected to her. And it's got me wondering, has she lived her life to the fullest, was she happy?
I know that her and my grandfather, while being together forever, definitely did not have what I'd call a normal happy marriage. They argued a lot when I was a kid, still did before my grandfather had his stroke and is now in a semi-slow almost childlike state. But, overall, they honored their vows, stayed together for better and worst, but I can't help but to wonder if the way they believed and lived got them true happiness together as a couple.
I know I've been living life through the motions. I've become incredibly routine in my day to day life, so much so, I'm sure if one of the crazy stalkers I had over the past year...well, anyway, I've become rather predictable as I try to find ways to burn through the hours of my day. I see others who live in those really out of the ordinary relationship dynamics, live life, totally on the edge, and yet they are happy. I try to do things "the good old fashion way", be the man, so many in my life haven't been and all I end up feeling is taken for granted.
I'm a person that puts 100% into the things I do, be it work, school, art, caring for family and loved ones, but I sometimes live in a world that operates on about 40% capacity. Rarely do I feel I get out of things or situations an equal amount of return. I could be that I try to hard, or am trying too hard, seems for some by doing nothing things just fall into their lap.
Now, the funny thing is, thanks to my training in therapy I pretty much have an idea of what my problem is.
1) I feel under-appreciated.
Sometimes I don't feel that I get the respect or appreciation from others I deserve. Whether this is a warranted or legit feeling, it's how I feel sometimes. Of course I work in a job were appreciation for the things one does does not come easily or often. If there's one thing children don't do is show appreciation towards adults for the sacrifices that are done for them. I know kids are self-ego creatures, so that shouldn't surprise me.
Sometimes I don't feel appreciated for what I feel are the sacrifices I've made for my family. Now I know that they do appreciate the things I do and have done, but they don't always say it or show it. I think my stress level in that regard would be much lower if they did more often and if the need for my aid in things would reduce and not feel so..frequent.
2) I want to be wanted but sometimes feel like I don't deserve it.
Yeah, it's the tale as old as time when it comes to men I think. We want to be desired and shown it, but yet fear that nobody would be willing to put up with the quirks our life may bring. Sometimes it's like, what person would want to hitch themselves up to someone that has the oddest life situations happen as I do? I've had multiple family deaths, random accidents, stalkings, art thief, job rearrangements, you name it it's probably happened to me in some way. Sometimes I'm afraid to let anyone get close because I don't want them going through the crazy I've gone through, yet at the same time wish I had someone to help me get through them. It's a perplexing thing.
3) I'm too conservative.
I live life in a somewhat conservative way because I grew up in a single parent home and lived through random chaos for a large portion of it. So having stability in my life is something that I work hard to obtain as an adult. I want to be able to provide someone with stability in their lives. To be dependable when people in my own life weren't dependable when i was growing up. This often makes me afraid to take risk on things I don't know what the ultimate outcome will be because each time I have I've been burned. IT's a weird desire to want to be more carefree but at the same time afraid to give up the control and lose stability.
Well, I think I'll stop there for now. I'm sure I'll look back at this and be like, wow, I was really whiny on this day. And besides I'm beginning to ramble.
Anyway, I at least feel a little better, thinking through one's issues can be insightful. |
|
|
| I'm ALIVE! |
[Aug. 14th, 2009|11:19 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  awake | ] |
Gotta start using this thing more often. I've had a few changes in my life recently, my house is finally to a level where I feel comfortable with having company in it, and I got one week left before turning to the throws of the working stiffs. My 9th year of teaching. Though I have to return to school to get 6 credits before June to maintain my certificate, that sucks. I'm going to start by taking a intro to Spanish class, figure that'll help me with communication issues since I get a lot of kids in my class that don't speak US American (Not that it'll totally be helpful since most lately have been russian or bosinan).
What realy sucks though, one class is going to cost me $1250. :P And to think I paid around $945 per class when I was getting my masters 5 years ago. |
|
|
| My live journal has also been hacked. |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|08:04 pm] |
|
Looks like I will indeed have to get the police involved because this is getting ridiculous. Not only are they now hacking any art gallery I have, but also now my liver journal, and apparent tried to use paypal to get money out of my account. Ignore any weird shit you see coming from this account. |
|
|
| So, that was Christmas? (Moody ramblings) |
[Dec. 25th, 2008|11:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  moody | ] |
Man, am I the only one that felt that that was the most unChristmas Christmas ever? From the lack fo any actually "family'" orientated Christmas tv specials that didn't have the secular Santa doing something or having something horrible done to him, to all the buy buy buy, and then I don't know...Just didn't feel like Christmas to me.
I know I did good on my gift giving this year, spent over $400 on gifts for family members, spending a lot of time on trying to match the gift to the person with things they liked with the limited funds I had. Now I know the season is about giving and not receiving and deep down my moral code feels like it's slapping me in the back of the head for how I'm feeling about the receiving this year, but, seriously, I either have a family that has absolutely no idea who I am (thus not being able to match items for 'gifts' I'd actually like), or, they are the worst gift shoppers ever, or they really don't care and just buy anything.
Now my mom and brother I excuse because my mom's pretty darn poor and does her best. In fact they got me the best things I got all day with their limited funds, the 2 disc Batman: Dark Knight, and 3 DC Direct Identity Crisis action figures (Enlongated Man, Black Canary, and Captain Boomerang). My mom's had a pretty rough year and a bad few last months so she felt bad she couldn't get me more, but I was very happy because for once someone 'got it' without me having to tell them what to get. She took what she knew I liked and got me what I'd like instead of what she thought I needed or should have.
The rest of my family though, come on. I got an apple pie from one aunt, (and it wasn't even techincally given she just had a bunch of those gift bag things and said go pick one, she could have at least handed me one of the bags and went, Merry Christmas for such a lame gift, and believe me, considering how cheep she's been getting lately, an apple pie is pretty lame).
Another aunt has never been one to give you what you want, she's always been the pratical gift giver, what you should have or what you need type, so it was not suprise that I'd get a BBQ tool set from her. Of course, I've never bene known to actually cook anything on a grill, BBQ, nor am I even sure if I own a grill (I know I never bought one, but may have aquired one with the house, I don't know). It's just, you gotta go, OH COOL! and inside you're like WTH? Sigh. She means well, but something like that is like for group activities, and seeing how the fact I live alone, 365 days of the year, and a grill is a summer time activity, (a period of time I'm rarely at home anyway). I'm not sure if this stuff will ever see outside of their box anytime soon.) My grandmother being short on means got me a card with some money in it and that's cool. I know she can't get out and around like she used to and she doesnt' have a lot to give anyway.
I'm thinking my dad is losing touch a bit too, though I'm never 100% sure he's ever been the one who's actually bought me my gifts anyway (Not sure if it's him or his wife). I'm a big sports fan, love the Buffalo Bills (though they don't love me enough to win and stop sucking so much, and not in the good way of sucking). So the first gift I got from them was a Bills grooming kit. Ok, neat, cologne, lotion, and deoderant in a Bills logo case. Alright, that's neat. NExt, oh, another Cologne, Lotion, and Bodywash set from Axes (or what ever that "I want your bod" commercials is). Then, ANOTHER Cologne, Lotion, and Deoderant set from Sean John. Hey, is there something I don't know and you guys are trying to tell me? Why all of the scented stuff (when you guys know, cologne does things to me skin, and I've got the worlds worst sense of smell anyway). Most interesting thing was the Buffalo Bills lamp that lights up with the world BILLS showing. I'll be the best smelling living single guy in the school, drawing to the warm blue glow of my BILLS lamp.
I know this sounds like complaining and it is. I know I should be greatful to get anything because there are people out there who didn't, and I am. But I guess it would just feel better that if the gifts were cheep as hell, they were things that at least seemed to reflect that they made conscious decisions to get things that fit me, or even if you wanted to go practical, get things for the new house I'm not living in.
Sigh, I guess I'm just disappointed that once again the only time I ever get presents (cause I rarely get anything from family outside my mom, and my dad when he remembers, for my birthday), that they'd at least show they put some thought into what they got me as much as I do when I get them stuff. That's all I ask. Hell it could have been a single comic book or a pack of cards and I'd been like, hey, I like that sorta stuff, cool.
Of course this could just be me and all in my own head, since I've been having 'people trust and dependability' issues as of late.
Sigh, I'm bored and it just feels everyone else's lives (at the age of 32) are so much more intersting than my mundane, go to work where I'm under appreciated, come home to list alone, or deal with family that seems to under appreciate me. Why do I have to care so darn much and it seems nobody else does the other way around? |
|
|
| Unfucking Believeable |
[Dec. 20th, 2008|12:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
The shit that's happened tonight is beyond believeable or even being able to put words. No, I'm not going to ellaborate what I'm talking about to anyone, other to say, I'm so pissed right now, I actually feel no emotions at all. |
|
|
| MFF: All work and no play |
[Nov. 25th, 2008|11:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
This year's MFF was definitely more work than anything else for me. Draw draw draw, but because of the hotel layout, you really couldn't get out and socialize too much.
What I liked, Hotel rooms, definitely nicer and more comfortable.
Didn't like. Location. Not a damn thing close to the hotel that wouldn't have required a car being involved. Food choices limited and on the pricey side (Damn that area and their 10% taxes). Cold. THe hotel's common areas was just plain cold. The windows and doors in the areas you could hang out were always leaking cold air so you either had to wear a coat or long sleeves not ot be too cold.
I don't know. I guess that's where MFF will be from no on. I definitely miss the old hotel and for it's comfortable socializing interior and it's nice walkable shopping and eating areas. |
|
|
| Fuck you BILLS! |
[Nov. 17th, 2008|11:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
I'm tired of cheering for you fuck ups! what the hell. 5 wins in a row and then 5 loses in a row? Fuck you!!! |
|
|
| Going to MFF And WTF Buffalo?? |
[Nov. 17th, 2008|10:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
Well after finally getting it worked out with work to let me at least use 2 perosnal days (and Monday I'm just going to call in sick), I'll be at MFF.
And what the hell Bills? You're playing fucking Cleveland! The G-Damn Browns! Why are you struggling so much! DAMN IT! I WANT A PLAYOFF GAME. There's no way in hell you're going to the Super Bowl, but damn it, can we get at least one playoff appearance before a whole decade laps from your last time in? |
|
|
| Can't find the words |
[Nov. 4th, 2008|11:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
As I sat there, in front of the tv, watching the news, I was beginning to have hopes that what I once thought was impossible could actually be happening right in front of me. And when it happened, I cried. I've never cried about anything that didn't involve pain or sorrow, yet, here I am/was, crying at the impossible becoming possible. I thought of my grandparents, while one, my grandfather on my father's side, who lost his life a few days before 9/11, our nation's most resent greatest tragedy, the remaining three (each from the state of MIssissippi who moved up north to Erie, PA for factory work and opportunity), had the chance to see what they thought they would never live long enough to see. People who lived in poverty, picked cotton as children, lived through the civil rights era, faced work related racism, they have been blessed to see this day coming.
I don't know what the future may hold. I don't know if he'll be a good or bad leader. But I do know, he's the first and if history holds true, the first always rules themselves with diginity, caution, and intelligence so that their being the first won't mean they will be the last. No longer is there a limit on what you can or can't do. The children I work with now, with serious honesty can be told, someday, you can grow up to be President of the United States. Funny how as a kid, I always thought phrases like that were rather corny, someone like me getting the chance to be president? HA.
Well, I guess these tears I shead for some uncontrolled reason goes to show what I knew, and what I knew about how this would all turn out.
WOW... |
|
|
| Why am I Murphy's Bitch? |
[Oct. 25th, 2008|11:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
Can nothing in my life ever go smoothly or easy? From family, work, relationships, projects, health, finances, you name it, something always ALWAYS go wrong and I always have to do things the hard way.
I've got so many frustrations on so many levels and it always comes from other people. It's odd, on the one hand, I live a very solitude like life. I live alone, I usually work alone. And the people I know live far from me. YET, when I do try to interact with other people, regardless of what level it may happen to be, I always seem to be let down in one fashion or other, which only feeds my instinct to be more solitude like. 19 years as an only child has not made me all that daily social with other people and people seem to only continue to feed that hesitation by being total let downs.
I don't know..I Fight the urge to become hermit like, just do for myself, by myself, but I know that's not all that healthy either. I just wish I could have someone totally be dependable in aspects in my life and not expect me to be the one to always come through in the pinch. When Do I get to slack off and let others pick up the pieces for me? Bah...crapy start of the day, I'm going shopping. |
|
|
| Political Comment: Red States |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|10:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mischievous | ] |
Have nothing to do with the necks of the people but man I just know in his head McCain is screaming, "Will you please shut the fuck up!!! You're killing me here! You're not supposed to say that crap 'out load'!"
I chuckle at his uncomfortableness and his HAVING to defend Obama. Damn, if you listen closely the sound of his teeth cracking can be heard under the Boos from our "fellow Americans". I guess the folks in that crowd have fears that this may happen if Obama is is president
Or worst, this
Well, the one thing I am glad about McCain's last ditch effort is that it's become parallel to lifting up a huge rock in the dirt and everything underneath goes crawling out in all different directions. It's good to visually see and know that we got NUTS like this still in America and it's out in the open instead of always speculating about it. That guy better think twice about moving to Canada to take his daughter if Obama wins the election. She'd not only have to learn intelligent English, but probably French too. The horror! |
|
|
| Let's Talk about Sex |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|10:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry | ] |
...........
Good, glad we had that talk. |
|
|
| Long time no see |
[Oct. 11th, 2008|12:36 am] |
I heard from a very close friend I hadn't heard from in a long time today. Made me realize how much on my part I need to try to start keeping in contact with people. Also start inviting people to my home. Before I didn't do that because it was never my home I could invite people over to. NEed to break that habit and start being more social and not so hermit like.
Man, curse you hormones!!!! Why must you flare up so with no recourse! |
|
|
| Christmas in October |
[Oct. 2nd, 2008|06:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
I've made pretty good friends with a new local comic shop owner. We can spend hours talking about toys and such and often times if one of use is on the look out for a hard to find toy, we'll buy it and the other will just pay for it when we give it to each other. Very cool.
Earlier this week though his shop caught on fire when the neighbors to his story decided to put a refrigerator that was going to be picked up the next day by Rent-a-Center on their porch plugged into an extension cord (so their beer and milk wouldn't get warm), and of course, as what would happen when plugging in a major appliance to an extension cord, it caught on fire. The building while not totaled did take out a lot of his inventory of comics and damaged a lot of the toys he had in it due to smoke and water. So, when I called the shop yesterday after going to see about picking up some new books for the week, his son told me to come on over the next day and look through the toys they had and pick out what I wanted.
So, sure enough I came over today and I thought he was going to sell me some at a reduced price, but sure enough he said, take what you want. We're talking rare, hard to find, or comic shop exclusive Marvel, DC, ect. toys that he just gave me for free. I was so humbled by it, I almost felt bad (I really really don't do well with people giving me things, something I have to work on). So I got a bunch of cool toys, and because they had to go early the told me once they had stuff settled into the new shop they lucked into (that was just across the street form their old one, which is bigger and will be cheeper for them to rent out), I could look throught he rest of what they had.
I guess it's a lesson I'm really trying to teach my kids. Sometimes, just being friendly to people and not treating them so negatively can really lead to unexpected blessings in the future. To bad most kids today don't realize how important simplely being nice and building relationships with other people can really help them down the line. |
|
|
| The sound of Rain. |
[Sep. 30th, 2008|11:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
I really like when it rains outside. It's kinda odd sometimes, sitting in a still house with all the lights off, just listening to the rain. It's calming and allows uninterrupted thought. |
|
|
| Teamwork |
[Sep. 28th, 2008|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
Is highly overrated. I swear, I must be the hardest person in the world to either help or I just got this natural magnet for attracting the worst teammates when it comes to working on group like projects. And people wonder why I'm always trying to do things by myself. IT's because everytime I try to rely on another human being to do their part of a project, I always end up getting crapped on in one way or another. Man I wish it were the 50s again or something when people had a better work ethic about the things they are doing. |
|
|
| Alone with your thoughts |
[Sep. 26th, 2008|12:40 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
You know, you ever fill sometimes you have too much time to think all to yourself?
I've been having serious frustration/anger issues lately, and just for the record and if something one day ever was to happen to me and my parent's found this journal (and no I'm not crazy or anything, I'm just saying), Dad, you totally suck. No father of the year award for you.
I swear, if something were to happen to him tomorrow, I honestly sometimes don't even think I'd know just what to say about him. I've realized, now living alone, I know very little about my father as a person besides superficial useless things, like he's a Cowboy's fan (which is probably why I root so hard against them every Sunday).
Ok...got that angst out of my system. Sleep time to deal with the little devils in the morning.
Oh, and yeah, getting your hand caught between two really heavy metal doors, not a good feeling. Not at all. |
|
|
| Awsome weekend of Entertainment |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|03:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
Batman: Dark Knight (I thought Ironman may have moved up the ranks as the best comic book movie ever made behind Spider-Man 2, well, DK just dropped kicked it).
Avatar: the Last Airbender finale. Now that's how you tell a kick ass story and put a cherry on the top. Pay attention Nick, you're shows don't have to resort to toliet humore and childish character designs. |
|
|
| The mind of a young Genius. |
[Jul. 13th, 2008|11:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nerdy | ] |
Today I spent most of the day at my mother's. This was the longest period of time I had been "home" since I moved out back in November. It's really weird how one's perception changes once they leave home, because I had never realized how little we really had in the house and how old our house was until moving out. It just goes to show how good a mother my mom was because she never let us realize just how poor we really were and made us grateful for what we had. I really wish I made enough to fix the old house up because boy can it use it.
Will checking out my old file cabnet I had left and have yet to move I found a bunch of old folders I had from school. Being the pack rat that I am and refusing to throw away even the most minor drawing away when I was a kid, I found a bunch of neat old sketches I plan to scan and post on one of my art galleries. Even more surprising a find was an envelope containing almost all of my old school reportcards as far back as second grade. SO, for the purpose of record keeping (in case something happens to the originals) I share with you my grades.
1984-85 (second grade)
(In second grade I had to take speech therapy classes and some reading classed because I had problems verbally pronouncing things, which affected my reading out loud)
Reading C, Handwriting A, Spelling B, English B, Math B, Social Science B, Science A, Conduct C (Smart kid, but big talker. Just couldn't keep my mouth shut for nothing. Ironic)
85-86 (third grade- 2 schools due to a move from Erie's West side to the East side)
Reading C, Handwriting B, Spelling C, English C, Math B, Social Science B, Science B, Conduct
C Its funny seeing how my grades dropped some in this year of physical location transition. It's really interesting when looking at the quarter grades. In the first quarter of this year while at a West Side school, all my grades were lower and the card states that in all my classes I was using books that were below my grade level. Funny how a move in the second quarter would get all my grades back to the grade level they were supposed to be at.
86-87 (4th Grade, the year the light went on and the angel from first grade would reappear)
Reading A, Handwriting B, Spelling A, English B, Math B, Social Science B, Science B, Conduct B This would be the first year I would record a 4 quarter honor card with no grade lower than a B. It is also the year that my first grade teacher Mrs. Helen Heasley, the woman that would change my academic life, would return as my fourth grade teacher in another school. What was really special about finding this report card was also finding a letter she had written to my mother that I didn't know about praising me as a student. I swear I still love this woman and everday in my career as a teacher can only hope I can inspire others like she did me. If it weren't for her always giving me blank books to draw my own little transformer comics in, I probably would have never become a cartoonist.
87-88 (5th Grade Yet another school and the year my Mother's side Great Grandparents died).
Reading A, Handwriting B, Spelling A, English A, Math A, Social Science A, Science B, Conduct C This year would mark the 3rd school in 4 years I had been in. On the East side of erie, most but one elementary schools went only to the 4th grade in the neigborhood I lived in, which meant I had to go to a school that had k-5th rather than k-4th. This would also be the year my Great Grandparents on my mother's father side would die in a house fire in Mississippi and I would miss 5 days of school Up to this point, I had only missed a total of 1 day of school in 4 years, and that was due to sickness. This would also mark the point where I really started taking my grades seriously and I'd school yet another academic honor card for four quarters, though for the life of me I just could not get a final grade higher than a C in conduct. I was just a talker, usually because I'd finish my work before the other kids and then would have nothing to do. I remember this year I would be working in this math folder that had different grade levels in it and we could do the problems for extra credit if we finished our work early. Well needless to say I was working at a six grade level in math by the time the year was over.
88-89 (Middle School at the school I ironically now work at)
English Honors B, Reading Honors A, Social Studies Advanced A, Math A, Computer A, Science A, Art C (yup, a C believe it or not, one of the most tramatic teachers I had in middle school and the only blimish on my grades that year, also the last C I would see until college), Home Economics A, Wood Shop A, Study Skills A, Music B, Gym B (by know I knew I wasn't going to be an athelete) It's funny looking at the classes I took in Middle School because half of them now don't exist at the same place I now work. Kids today are really missing out on a well rounded education. Class Rank 18 out of 250 (during the second quarter I was #1)
89-90 (seventh grade the year that ended my football career, or would be dreams of such)
English Honors A, Journalism A, Social Studies A, Computer Lit2 B, Pre-Algebra B, Science Honors A, Home Ec B, Metal Shop A, Study Skills, A, Music A, Gym A, Health (Ha, they don't even have this class anymore) A. Class
This would be the year I broke my left wrist playing football with friends, separating the actual wrist ones from my arm and hand (yeah, it felt that good too, and I new it was broke the minute it happened because felt the bones actually shift). Class Rank 16 out of 260 (top rank for the year 8th twice).
90-91 (eight grade)
Don't have complete class by class grades for this year due ot apparently something greese getting on the card, mading the ink of some of the grades. overall GPA 3.56 with a class rank of 17 out of 267 (top rank for the year 13).
Unfortunately the only other complete school year report cards I could find was my 11th grade year. So.
English honors A, Spanish 2 A, Modern American History (Advance studies) B, College Algebra/Trig (I actually took a freshmen college class with college Freshmen for this one) A, Chemistry Honors A, Chem Lab A, Art A, PA School of Performing/Visual Arts A, Physical Ed A.
Class Rank 17 out of 343 (highest rank 13).
That's it for now until I find more stuff. Neat to look back on all the hard work over the years. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ebonyleopard's journal
amused